The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
