All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
