Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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