my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
