Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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