rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
