Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize