You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize