I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
