well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
