she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
