Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was confusing and full of hummus
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
