your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
