He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
