Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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