it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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