I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize