i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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