YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
