I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
