is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
