Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize