so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
They took my balls.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
