It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
