i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
