I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
