so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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