You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
