I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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