somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
