It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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