Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
