this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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