Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
