break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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