I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
