I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
