our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
