i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
