why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize