i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
another moral hangover. fuck.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
