i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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