She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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