I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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