shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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