If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
