You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
