first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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