chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
