overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
