guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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