The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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