erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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