I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
