lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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