he puts the penis in happiness.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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