"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
