My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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