Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
