so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
