I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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