i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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