ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
