A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
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