Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
