I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i need some magic done to my vagina
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
