I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
