Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
