Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
