you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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