Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
