I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
