so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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