Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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