You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
no you cant smoke seaweed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
