Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
