dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can text with my tongue
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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