Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
