My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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