Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
