She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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