hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize